How are you feeling?
It’s the natural question to ask someone who looks like they stuffed a basketball under their shirt (aka, super pregnant). I admit that I ask that question to any woman I know who is also pregnant. It comes from a place of love and concern…especially for those who have been there before.
Lately I am finding myself asking in my head: “Do you want the long answer or the short answer?” Usually I’ll go with the short answer, because it is easier and I find that when I do launch into the long answer the other person’s eyes will start to glaze over. While they asked with the good intention of hearing me out, it is sometimes easier for those on the receiving end to hear the one word answer instead of the full blown explanation. So I’ll resort to answers like “Big.” Or, “Tired.” Or, “Heavy.” All very true.
What I’m not saying is:
I feel big, really big. I suddenly went from cute pregnant to swollen belly, waddling woman pregnant and it is tough to swallow. I know it is because I am close, but it is getting harder and harder for me to move around and even more difficult to see myself in the mirror. I saw a picture of myself sitting down yesterday and took a good minute or two to fight back tears that were threatening to surface.
I am tired. Besides the usual growing a child, not sleeping well tired, I managed to photograph two weddings over the weekend. That’s 18 hours of being on my feet, with a few intermittent breaks while my second shooters took over. I love the couples that I worked with so much and I wouldn’t trade that for the world, but in addition to physically recovering I am also now trying to wade through 4,000+ photos as soon as possible. Again, I love what I do, but there is not nearly enough time in the day…ever. And naps are now mandatory for me to get through the day, which is an unfortunate side effect of being pregnant (usually I would rejoice, but not so much lately).
I feel heavy. Besides the obvious physical “heavy,” I’m feeling heavy emotionally as well. We have a lot going on in both our immediate and extended family. That family is going to expand in the next week or so and some days I feel ready for it. Other days, not so much. It is a lot to think about and take on, and would require an entirely different blog post…probably with three different installments (at least).
The thing is, I have felt all these feelings, or extensions of these feelings, without being pregnant. We all run into situations where we decide to give people the short answer rather than the long answer because we know it would be easier. Maybe you’re going through some tough stuff at work, or at home. Maybe you’re dealing with some body confidence issues. Maybe you’re stressed about money or school. Maybe it’s some combination of everything I just mentioned. Regardless, I would bet that anyone reading this has chosen to respond with “I’m fine/okay/good” when asked how you’re feeling. And that’s okay, I totally don’t judge. Just know I get it.
You know who really does want to know how you’re feeling? God. Yeah, He has a pretty good idea already but isn’t it nice to stop and recognize that?
Today I was searching for the right prayer, the right something to acknowledge how I’m feeling to God and ask for some help. I just couldn’t come up with the words myself, so I went and found one of my favorite verses:
Short, simple, to the point. Thought I would share this one with you, in case you also need a reminder that when you’re feeling completely at a loss or devoid of any remaining strength, you can look to God to help you get through. He’s got your back, never forget it.
P.S. I had a friend message me the other day saying that she actually printed out a couple of our designs on photo paper and they turned out really well! Feel free to do the same, you should just be able to right click and save the image on your computer. I’m thinking about making this verse the background on my phone. We’re in the process of putting together some other cool quotes that you’ll be able to print, so stay tuned!