One Friday night not too long ago, after I put the toddler to sleep, I made some delicious cookies (check them out here) and sat down with a glass of wine to relax for a few minutes. Alone. It was so nice.
As no one else was around, I took this as a golden opportunity to have a little chat with myself, you know, just to check in and see how things were going. This chance does not come around often, and sometimes I need to sit and think without the distractions of the child, work, blog, pinterest, or reruns of Friends. Usually I don’t do this with wine, but I was already well into demolishing the cookies so why the heck not. Now, I am naturally an introverted person, but with a little wine I can turn into a regular chatterbox- it only takes about half a glass. With an empty room, and no one to talk to but myself, I started up a riveting conversation (mostly) in my head.
Wow, it’s been a while since I’ve had a moment like this, all to myself. Don’t even think about touching those toys on the floor or those dishes in the sink. That stuff can wait!
But when will I be able to get it all done? Self, don’t worry about it. Have another cookie. Okay I will…
So how’s life been? Honestly, how is everything going? It’s been busy, stressful- a lot of important things to think about and plan. Coco is spunky, sweet, and soaking up everything like a sponge. But how do toddlers instinctively know how to drive you nuts sometimes? Like they reach a year and a half and they just know. Although, it’s probably me. I just need to pay more attention to her, read more parenting books, only buy organic, stick to a regimented schedule every single day. I should probably also have meal plans for every night of the week and a cleaning schedule. Also I should only do work during nap time or after bed. And I need to plan some more fun outings and learning activities. Maybe then I will win at parenting.
While I’m at it, I really need to start stretching and working out more if I am going to start dancing again. I should probably whip up a weekly schedule for that too. I always need to work to feed my creativity- I will choreograph some new works sometime soon. Maybe I could try something new, like running or biking. I have always wanted to run in a race, like a half marathon! Okay, how about a 5k. Let’s start with that. More wine? Yes, thank you.
Speaking of things I need to do, I totally need to read more. I haven’t read many books lately, but I love reading so much! Need to keep the mind sharp ya know, just in case I decide to apply to grad school in the near future. I do have that long list of books I have always wanted to read- I will start that tomorrow. After I eat this cookie that is calling my name.
Oh! How about starting in on some of those DIY projects I am always dreaming about? It’s a simple matter of getting the materials, then I can have the cutest vintage-style space I have always imagined! But I guess getting materials for creating a cute vintage space costs some money. I will draft up a strict budget and pay off all my student loan debt within the next five years. No more little frivolities, like nutella, or wine. After this one glass.
Wow. Looking at all these ways life could be better, it’s embarrassingly apparent that I need to whip myself into shape. What have I been doing with my life that I haven’t been able to incorporate all these things into my lifestyle already? So lazy. Just look at yourself, and then look at the magnificent version of yourself that you could be. Come on self, figure it out.
But you know, think about the person you were about two and a half years ago- that person is not a person that I like very much. I was too timid to tell people what I wanted, spent too much time with people who did not treat me well, and was so self-conscious that any kind of growth or self-discovery was paralyzed by self-doubt. Today I do not resemble that person, except for the parts of my personality that have always been truly my own.
Self, you have grown. You have been put on the right path by your own hard work and the hard work of those who truly love you. You have once again begun to take opportunities to make yourself a better human, and (in my opinion) it’s working. Except for when I mess up. But mess-ups have become times to learn, and obstacles have become times to grow, and absolute-failures have become try-agains. So really, right now you are doing just fine. Don’t worry about doing it all within the next week or the next month or even the next two and a half years. After all, growing and changing is a slow and painful process, am I right?
Self, you are a daydreamer, that’s for sure. Just don’t forget to stop scheming for the future every once in a while and enjoy the cookies and wine sitting right in front of you. Then go to sleep and wake up to a new day and work on one thing at a time.
Thanks, self, for the real talk.
That’s all friends. Have thoughts, questions, comments? Share in the comments or on Facebook or by email!