Are you in your early or mid 20’s and still living in your parent’s house, where your mom cooks you dinner and sends you wake up calls every morning? Did you “follow your heart” and get a fun degree like philosophy or chemistry that will never be applicable to any real job you would ever actually want to have? Do people at work automatically assume you are not qualified because you constantly look like a paralyzed raccoon staring into the headlights of a quickly approaching semi truck? Do you need to convince everyone you meet that you are, in fact, older than 19? When a prospective employer asks about your previous experience, do you still list off the 25 hours of (required) community service you completed in your junior year of high school?
Today I share with you The Beginner’s Guide to Looking Like You Know What the Heck You’re Doing. This is not a comprehensive list, but nonetheless includes several helpful and practical steps that any person in their early or mid 20’s can follow in order to get people to take them seriously. Your journey to appearing to be a real live adult begins now!
1. Pad up your resume. Do’t be afraid to exaggerate. It sounds way better to say you went to an ivy league school than community college. And maybe you worked at Microsoft for a few years but then felt like they were limiting your professional career potential so you started your own company. You speak not only Spanish, but German and Portuguese and Japanese. Whatever will make you look super smart and accomplished.
2. Post lots of pictures to Instagram and Facebook of vegetables, even if you don’t actually eat them. Likewise, pin lots of tutorials for practical home improvements and lists of book club ideas to Pinterest. These are typical adult interests and everyone will be impressed.
3. Wear reading glasses on your head and snobbishly situate them on the end of your nose every time you have to read something. People will think you are distinguished. Also, wear a watch with actual clock hands. Nothing says “adult” like knowing how to tell time on a real clock.
4. Order scotch as your drink of choice and sip it pretentiously. People will appreciate your mature taste.
5. Do everything possible to hide all the crazy parts of yourself in your romantic relationships for as long as you possibly can. Tell your significant other that your family is super normal and you don’t even have any crazy uncles. Say that it is your dream to get married young, move to the suburbs of Minnesota, and have 4 children. Those things make you definite wife/husband material.
6. During conversations, casually place the phrase, “And I’ve seen some things” at the end of some of your statements. Saying this matter-of-factly will make others marvel at your wisdom and wealth of life experience.
7. Casually mention to friends and acquaintances that you are a connoisseur of classical music or impressionistic art. Pretend that you really hated the Despicable Me movies, even though you secretly adore the minions. Everyone loves talking to a true art expert with impeccable taste.
8. When an unexpected problem arises at work or in life, take control. Say in a loud, commanding voice, “I was trained to do this” so that everyone around you can hear. Proceed confidently to attempt to fix the problem, even if someone else was already taking care of it, and even if you don’t actually know the solution. People will love your take charge attitude.
If you are 23 and no one likes you, you can turn your life around with my simple steps. The popular Blink 182 song lyric does not have to remain true any longer! Everyone can like you when you’re 23!
How do you make yourself look like you know what the heck you are doing? I am always looking for new tips and tricks.